Ahead On Our Way.

Life is not fair. Yes, I know you know it, but we all keep saying it in hope that we might jinx it or something and maybe something fucking good might happen for once. Murderers get rich while good people get diarrhea. Maybe I should become a murderer, sounds like a lot of fun, and the possibility of becoming rich is always welcome. Diarrhea on the otherhand, sucks ass (although I wouldn't advise anyone to do that with their ass after that kind of an 'attack'). But anyway, you get the point.

Life is ironic and evil. Things like meeting the girl of your dreams occur, only for life, in it's fantastic way of fucking things up for you, tells you she's going to get married to someone else, but likes you just enough to keep you around as her friend and therefore making you endure the pain of seeing her everyday with some other fuckwit. It's so deliciously sadistic, it almost makes you want to cry chocolatey tears of agony.

Life kicks you in the balls while you're down. Well, actually, I have no metaphorical example for this, just a guy called Dennis Life managed to put his foot through my crotch in a football game a couple of years ago. But the point stands, 'life' will probably do this to you metaphorically as well.

Life is gay. And not just normally gay, but Big Gay Al 'I want to be done by a bunch of sailors' from South Park gay. It will 'do' you at every opportunity it gets, and force you to wear pink shirts and flowery shorts(or vice versa), therefore destroying any semblance of manhood you may or may not have possessed prior to the incident. Castration of the mind, it's just wrong.

So there you go, those are the good points about life. But to end on a high note, I must say this: Having a cute cat named Fluffles (or Fluffers, can't remember which sometimes) helps a bit. It stops me from wanting to commit suicide by watching a Telettuby marathon. Ah, great stuff. See ya later...

I Will Go Sailing No More.

Here is something I've come to realise slowly, but steadily, over the years of my young adulthood. WOMEN ARE NOT FUNNY. Sure there are the odd exceptions, female comedians and whatnot, but overall the vast majority of women are pathetic at making other people laugh (unless you include being laughed AT). I don't know what causes it, and frankly I don't care. All I know is it annoys me immensely when a man is expected to 'have humor' while a woman gets away with not having this characteristic, this is an atrocity in my opinion.

NO I WILL NOT MAKE YOU LAUGH. FUCK YOU!! How about you make ME laugh for a fucking change?!?! Can't? Well then unless you're fucking smoking hot you can hit the road you whore!

Which brings me to my next point. Back in the day, when I had a conscience, I used to try to evaluate women for all of their characteristics, not just physical beauty. Well now I say... Fuck that! Most women are pathetic self-involved bitches who don't know fuck about anything unless it involves fashion or celebrities. So I feel completely justified when I say this: All men are justified for being 'shallow' in looking for a woman. Women have no character these days, no personality whatsoever and are simply unable to make us laugh. So... we must all aim for the smoking hot ones and to hell with the rest. If they're going to be boring mindless whores they better make up for it in looks otherwise what's the fucking point?

So there you go. This should be the universal excuse for all men when accused of being shallow and materialistic. Oh, and if you do find a woman with looks AND a personality/humor PLEASE, take a picture of her and a short video of her making a joke and present it to a news agency or something. We need the evidence to prove that such a creature exists in the world. Thank You.

Animal Gumball Machines

In India people used to get executed by elephant. Awesome. If you're going to die, I can't think of a more unique or funnier way than that. Too bad we don't have elephants over here. We could use them to threaten all the annoying kids who drive with their motorbikes at 3am waking me up because of the goddamn fucking racket. Fuck you annoying bastard sons of whores, you're going to be elefucked!! That would be great.

Another thing I really hate are the people who I have come to realize are a bunch of elitist animal saving snobs. They get all excited and wet themselves at the prospect of rescuing a fucking cat or a stupid poodle. I've never seen them get angry and upset about all the homeless rats though. These furry critters don't have the big floppy ears like a beagle or a basset hound, but that doesn't make their plight any less heartbreaking.

Tonight, countless rats will go to bed without a proper dinner. They don't get free medical care. They don't get food stamps. They don't even get little blocks of government cheese. Through discrimination, they are denied jobs and housing. Few sewer rats will ever have their dreams come true. Dreams like owning their own home, being a head chef at a French restaurant, or working as a councilman at a city hall.

Tonight as you eat your fast food at your own computer, think about how across the globe, millions of rats will go to bed hungry without a full tummy. Some might find garbage to chew on or even the toes of the homeless. Would you want to chew on the toes of the homeless?

Please, for the sake of humanity, open your doors to a homeless rat and lets make this world a good place for rodent-kind. Because this sitch just bloody sucks.

That's all for now.

Who sucks more?

Τελευταία εχω βαρεθεί να με το να γράφω στα ελληνικά. Είναι ιδιαίτερα ενοχλητικό το οτι ΚΑΘΕ ΓΑΜΗΜΕΝΗ ΛΕΞΗ χρειάζεται τόνο. Είναι κρίμα, αλλα τι να κάνουμε? Αν σας ενδιαφέρουν τοσο οι σκέψεις μου τότε μάθετε καλά αγγλικά, μαλάκες.

Όπως και να έχει το θέμα... σήμερα, μετα απο ενα περίπατο στο κέντρο της πόλης όπου διαμένω, μου έκανε εντύπωση το ποσοστό των ασχήμων ατόμων που κυκλοφορούν ελεύθεροι και χωρίς επίβλεψη στους δρόμους. Ηταν ιδιαίτερα τρομακτικό. Δεν το είχα παρατηρήσει μέχρι τώρα, μαλλον επειδή μισώ τους πάντες ανεξαιρέτως, οπότε δεν με ενδιέφερε αν ηταν άσχημοι ή οχι. Αλλα σήμερα ηταν διαφορετικά, ηταν τόσοι πολλοί οι ασχήμοι που ηταν αδύνατο να μου διαφύγει, ακόμα και εμένα.

Με την σημερινή τεχνολογία που έχουμε στη διαθεσή μας θα έπρεπε να είναι παράνομο να υπάρχουν τοσοι πολλοί άσχημοι άνθρωποι. Θα έπρεπε να ντρέπονται οι όμορφοι που δεν εχουν κινηθεί μέχρι τωρα προς αποφυγή του προβλήματος. Το ελάχιστο που θα μπορούσαν να κάνουν θα ηταν να κάνουν απο 5-10 παιδιά ο καθένας, αφου όλοι ξέρουμε οτι οι ώραιοι άνθρωποι πηγαίνουν μονο με τις ωραίες και αντίστροφα. Ετσι δεν 8α έπεφτε τόσο ο μέσος ορος όμορφων.

Οχι οτι με ενδιάφερει να υπάρχουν περισσότεροι όμορφοι ανθρώποι απο την άλλη πλευρά. Οι όμορφοι άνθρωποι είναι ηλίθιοι συνήθως, με ΙQ κατω απο 20. Ξέρω κουνέλια με περισσότερη ευφυία απο κάποιους όμορφους. Κάποιοι είναι τόσο ηλίθιοι που θα γύριζαν τους δείκτες του ρολογιού τους πίσω υπο την εντύπωση οτι ο χρόνος 8α αντιστρεφοταν. Οχι το καλύτερο παράδειγμα ηλιθιότητας, αλλα καταλαβαίνετε το νόημα.

Βασικά είμαστε καταδικασμένοι, ή να γεμήσει ο κόσμος άσχημους, είτε να γεμήσει με όμορφους ηλίθιους.

Dude

Hey bros!! What's up dudes?!? Wanna catch a few waves with me later? I'll be there with all the other dudes and dudettes!! You know... yesterday a shark bit a giant chunk outta my surfboard man!! I was like 'Damn!!' and 'That's totally awesome Bro!!!'.

Yesterday I found out one of my girl-friends is into other chicks... I mean Duuuuuuuuuuuuudeeeeeeeee!! Seriously!! No wonder she never seemed that into me man! It's like awesome in a totally weird way bro! I think she's a bit, like, not ok, you know dude? In the head I mean. Maybe that's what ya get man, when you're a dudette who likes other chicks.

Dude, one of the other dudes gave me a totally awesome and excellent idea the other day!! I should become an actor in a sports show!!!! It'd be like, totally cool and awesome in a gnarly way!!! I'm pretty sure he'll try it before me though, fair play, it was the dude's original idea after all. Even though I think I'd be better at it, especially when ya think that I'm like, an extremely handsome young devil, right dude!?!?

Oh man, I just realised that I've got to go work-out!! This body didn't happen by itself you know dude? Just so all you dudes and dudettes know, exercise is killer!! Which kinda reminds me...one of my dudes got killed once, while doing a bench press.. but other than that it's like, totally awesome man!!

So, I'll be off dudes!! Keep on rockin' with the times!! Oh, yeah and remember to RECYCLE!! It's the cool thing to do dudes!! Later!!

Recycling

Do it you assholes. It doesn't cost anything. Are you too cool to recycle? NOBODY is too cool to recycle. For those of us who aren't Superman or Spiderman, (who save the world with super powers) we can only save the world by recycling. Maybe you're confident we'll colonise other planets and won't need these resources? YOU ARE WRONG. We couldn't colonise a tree the way we are now. Fucking retards, you ought to learn respect!! Especially for the enviroment!! I mean never mind that animals try to maim, poison and kill us all the time, never mind that hurricanes destroy towns and avalanches kill hikers and what have you... The enviroment needs us to save it!! SO... fucking throw your goddamn pepsi cans in the recycling bin!!!

Do you know how many trees you can save by recycling paper?!!? Have you any idea?!? ...Actually, you don't save any, as people go ahead and cut them down anyway, but that's not the fucking point!! What was my point again?!?! Never mind, just recycle like good retards and we'll probably live a bit more on this godforsaken planet.

Kick the Curb and the Spanish Waiter

Mario is red
Sonic is blue
You're an asshole
So fuck you.

Neglect is an interesting thing. I'd say that I'm bored right now, but I'm bored most of the time, so go ahead and assume that I'm always bored and you won't go wrong. I hate onions. If YOU don't, then there's something wrong with you. I also hate the colour green. Which probably explains why I don't eat vegetables and why I hate Vegans.

I have nothing remotely interesting to say right now so I'm going to improvise. The first paragraph wasn't improvisation, it was just random thoughts that came to me while trying not to succumb to the insane amount of boredom that was trying to destroy my mind. You'll be happy to know, I survived. Or not, depending on whether you have a brain.

Can someone please explain to me what people find 'entertaining' about going to a club? And don't give me the 'woman' excuse. That's you succumbing to your dick, it's nothing to do with being entertained. So unless you find loud repetitive music and women dancing badly, entertaining, then you're all a bunch of fucking hypocrites and idiots. At least say to each other that you don't like it but go there on the off chance you can get laid. You'll earn more respect from me, that's for sure. But half of the idiots I see these days have no respect for themselves, let alone someone else's.

I'm not against going out and having fun, but it has to ACTUALLY INVOLVE FUN. The things I listed above are neither fun nor entertaining. They're just a way of wasting time and acting as if you're one of the 'cool kids'. How lame. And to those who actually do like it: You're idiots. I respect your choice, but I'm going to call you idiots anyway, just because I can. Make of that what you will.

So what's the point of all this rambling? It's this: I hate clubs, I hate people who go to them, dance music is lame and I'm bored. Suck my balls.